if you’re feeling less than, left out or lonely

August 12, 2016 | 5 comments

I do NOT like to admit this, because it makes me sound totally junior high, but I recently saw a Facebook status from an old friend that crushed me. It had this sort of veiled meaning, and it was cryptic enough to make me think that her words were an attack on me. I don’t even KNOW for sure that her words were directed at me. It just FELT like it.

Do you know the feeling? It happens when a person totally gets up inside your head, and you can’t tell the difference between a real slam and an imagined one. 

Because the truth is, this woman had rejected me years before; she really HAD said hurtful things to me, and had said even more hurtful things about me to others.

And so, that night when I was on Facebook, reading her status, I felt so vulnerable, and so crushed. 

I HATE that feeling. How about you? I don’t think I’m the only one.

So many women I know are feeling rejected, less than, left out, and lonely. So many women feel flat-out rejected.

Because I score highly as a Relater on the Happiness Style Assessment, feelings of rejection cut especially deep. Relaters are the inviters, the soul connectors, and the ones who make room at the table. The life motto for Relaters is this: Together is what makes us strong when life makes us scared. Relaters know the value of friendship and fiercely protect the people they love. (pg. 91, The Happiness Dare)

So when we read a Facebook status that feels like an attack, we feel especially vulnerable and rejected.

(Take the happiness style test by clicking here, and discover whether you’re a Relater, or one of the other four Happiness Styles.)

Together is what makes us brave.

So, then the other day as I was still nursing my own rejection, I began reading my friend Lysa TerKeurst‘s new book, Uninvited. She sent it last week, but because I was busy launching my own book, I hadn’t had a chance to open hers yet. Boy, did it come at the right time! It helped me see things so clearly, in light of God’s truth.

“Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me,” Lysa writes.


Reading her words, I realized how the deep hurts of my past have stolen joy from my present.

Maybe you’re like me, feeling the sting of old rejections. Maybe it’s the sting of NEW rejections. Worst of all, Lysa says, we catch ourselves wondering if God secretly agrees with those who hurt us.

I want to encourage you today if you’re feeling rejected. God has a place for you at the table. You are invited. You are “in.” You are known and loved, even when it feels like you’ve been left out. Even when the ugly words come. Even when the Facebook status brings up all sorts of bad feelings.

If you’re feeling rejected, today’s the day to believe a new story: Even if you’ve been rejected by others, you are handpicked by God.


Dear Jesus, I pray for anyone who is feeling left out, alone, rejected, and lonely. Thank you for being the Friend who will never leave us, the Friend who will never abandon us. Nothing can separate us for Your love and friendship — not even death. In Your name we pray, Amen.


What is your happiness style? Whether or not you score highly as a Relater, God has wired each of us to experience the blessing of community. What relationships in your life have brought you the most happiness–in the past and now? Are you going through a period of loneliness today?

Frequently Bought Together!
I highly recommend Lysa TerKeurst’s new book Uninvited.

Right now, Amazon is telling us that The Happiness Dare and Uninvited are frequently bought together, along with Shauna Niequist’s Present over Perfect, which I’ve heard great things about but haven’t read.



 (this post contains affiliate links)

A quick thanks to Lysa, for her support of The Happiness Dare. 


by | August 12, 2016 | 5 comments


  1. Linda Perkins

    Thank you, Jennifer, for such a timely manner. I struggle a lot with feeling left out, and literally had woken up this morning from a dream in which I had been left behind after a conference and then was rejected harshly be someone else. Even though it was just a dream, I knew that it reflected my sense of feeling alone lately. It was nice to open your post in my email box and read your comforting words. I hope your situation with the old friend improves also! Have a blessed day.

  2. Nancy Ruegg

    The enemy loves to aggravate old wounds–like distressing events from years past, or hurtful words spoken long ago, and cause fresh pain. Thank you, Jennifer for the powerful rebuttal against the enemy in this post: We’ve each been handpicked by God — our perfect Friend who will never reject, never belittle. He is loving and reliable, standing by us forever. With you I say, Thank you, thank you, oh God!

  3. Pam Ecrement

    Jennifer, I think you have described well something that seems to be especially true of most all of us as as women. Just about the time we think we have conquered it, the enemy slips something in front of us that impacts us again. I am also a Relater so I have been down that road far too many times to count. More and more I keep short accounts and do better with keeping His truth in focus where my identity is considered, but still….those times come. Thanks for this reminder and encouragement for those days and times when it does.

  4. Theresa Boedeker

    Wow! I can relate to your post. Feeling good and then suddenly, bam, I feel left out. I find the more I compare and forget whose I am the more often I feel left out.

  5. Deborah Will

    Jennifer I started the book yesterday. Two chapters and I can’t wait to finish, but first I have to go back and savor the words.


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