Be a Blesser, Not a Curser

June 2, 2016 | 25 comments

15530_cup_of_kindness

My husband and I were at a restaurant recently, and the service was terrible. The waitress was cranky, slow, and snippy. Both Scott and I could practically feel our blood boiling, and we were both complaining about her attitude. Within minutes, we were acting about as miserably as she was.

Just then, Scott remembered advice that an old friend had told him about how to deal with difficult people. “You can be a blesser or a curser.”

“We really ought to pray for her,” Scott said, “instead of complaining about her.”

So that’s what we did.

In that moment, our heart softened toward her. Truth is, we had no idea what was going on in her life. Maybe her husband walked out on her. Maybe her cat died. Maybe the doctor just called with bad news. Maybe she was just having a bad day for no reason in particular.

Now, that’s no excuse for her bad behavior toward other people. But my husband and I knew we had a choice: We could bless her with our prayers and our kindness, or we could curse her in our hearts, and treat her poorly in return.

We made our choice: to bless.

It’s not always easy, but today, I recommit myself to choose the way of blessing. I will be a blesser, not a curser.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

“Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).

blesser not a curser

YOUR TURN

How challenging is it for you to be a blesser, not a curser? Share your thoughts in the comments.

by | June 2, 2016 | 25 comments

25 Comments

  1. Kathy Scott

    I can identify with your way of dealing with a difficult person. My experience has been with my dear sister who has sent some very upsetting texts to me. I tried to respond without malice or ill will, but she cut off all communication with me. Now I have a choice to either bless her or to hold on to a grudge about her wrong perceptions of my actions. She may never soften her heart, but I’m praying towards that end. I also have a more compassionate view of her difficulties in life. Thanks for giving me more confirmation that this is the higher road to take and also brings me peace.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Yeah. Wow. That’s really, really hard, Kathy. I am so sorry. You know, there’s nothing that excuses her behavior toward you. And you certainly don’t have to be a doormat. But I am learning that if I have the heart of a blesser — instead of a curser — I am better able to deal with the people who hurt me. I am able to channel my hurt into more positive action. It sounds like that is exactly what you’re doing too.

      Praying for you tonight, Kathy. Thanks for letting us into your pain.

      Reply
  2. BettieG

    I had a hard experience with a nurse at my Doctor’s office a few months ago, and left there trying to buoy up my hurt feelings. So on my next visit when this same nurse started sharing about some bad experiences she had had with “bossy” Christians in her family, I knew the Lord was asking me to bless her and pray for her. I was convicted over my initial reaction of not wanting to set aside my own hurt feelings, but I’m so thankful that God helped me to pray for her instead! Thank you for this post today that reminded me to continue praying for her! –Blessings to you today! 🙂

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Such a powerful lesson, Bettie. Thanks for sharing. I had a very similar experience with a nurse at Mayo Clinic, during our daughter Anna’s recent appointments there. Your words today remind me to pray for that nurse as well.

      Reply
  3. Lorilee Torgerson Mundfrom

    My sons and I are in transition right now. We are living with family which is tense all by itself. But the family we are with can be very non -communicative with one another. Makes it difficult for everyone. And they also make life kind of miserable. We complain lots. I need to pray lots instead. Thanks for the reminder!!

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Lorilee, It sounds like you’re going through a very trying time. I pray that God — through the power of His Holy Spirit — can help you through this!

      Reply
      • Lorilee Torgerson Mundfrom

        Thank you, Jennifer! I appreciate you!

        Reply
  4. Lisanne

    Just so timely. Maybe the two of you “needed” her to remind you of this lesson. I’ve been thinking of recent interactions with people that have been unpleasant and and feel like bullying. I started reading Romans 8:28 a little differently and viewing some of the interactions as prompts for behaviors God needed me to have in response. Its been enlightening.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      I think you’re probably right, Lisanne. God’s lessons sneak up on us in the most ordinary moments.

      Reply
  5. Tara Ulrich

    Love this. I want to be a blessed but I too can easily be a curser instead. You’re right….we can change our actions, pray and be more of a blessed!

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Yay! So glad this blessed you, friend.

      Reply
  6. Rebecca Presnell

    I definitely needed to hear this today. God is convicting my heart through your words, as I am guilty of this more than I care to admit. Thank you for these words.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      This lesson has been sticking with us for weeks now!

      Reply
  7. ro elliott

    Oh I am a recovering curser… Until 1000 gifts I didn’t see how much I saw life through a negative lens… He cleared my vision…my heart…than we moved to my mind… I heard someone talk about paying attention to our thoughts… The internal dialogue …yikes this was not pretty… And he said be a blessing machine…stop the thoughts and ask God to bless them…we can quietly speak blessings to those around us all day long… I am by no way perfect here…but God is bringing more and more freedom… And now I want to be a blessing machine!!!

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      A blessing machine! I like that, Ro! … Ann’s book impacted so many of us, so greatly.

      Reply
  8. Trudy Den Hoed

    I’m with you, Jennifer. I want to be a blesser, not a curser. Deep in my heart. Sometimes I might act kind and patient on the outside, but I may still be cursing on the inside. I want to truly be a blesser with all my heart. Thank you for this reminder. Blessings and hugs to you!

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      I appreciate that distinction, Trudy. I want my inside and my outside to match. May they both reflect Christ.

      Reply
  9. Martha Orlando

    Definitely the best attitude to have! I’m reminded that we can’t control the situations in which we find ourselves, but we can definitely control our reaction to it. Blessings, Jennifer!

    Reply
  10. Eliza

    Oh wow! This is something that has been weighing on my heart lately. I am working hard to change my attitude, and I love your simple question…what an easy choice to make – blesser or curser? And yet so hard to carry out sometimes!

    Reply
  11. lynn__

    What a loving choice you present here! I have to admit that I struggle with this IN my marriage…anger seems to stir up anger and it’s easier to let my mind and attitude “curse” instead of bless 🙁 Glad that you and Scott decided to pray for her!

    Reply
  12. Judy Bruhn Gerdis

    In the past I would boil, seethe and I might even leave a writhing note to put that waitress in her place. I’m not sure what has happened in my waning years but I no longer let it get to me. In fact, my husband and I were encouraged by our son and daughter-in-law to just turn every opportunity into a moment to share Jesus and his love. This is what we do now, we return a smile for every frown or scowl that is hurled our way. Then at just the right moment we will introduce ourselves and then ask, “Is there anything we can pray with you about?” We’ve been doing this for two years now and we have never had anyone refuse to reply. In fact, it is as though we’ve just asked them to let us carry their burden. A look of relief floods their faces and a big sigh will escape from their very soul as they say, “Oh, yes!” Then they tell us their needs and if it is appropriate we will ask if we can pray for them right then and there. No one has ever refused. And you know what? If we return to that establishment and the offending person is there, they will trip all over themselves to serve us. Giving a cup of water in His name……………..

    Reply
  13. Linda

    Kindeness matters. My daughter and I had a similar situation except we were familar with the waitress. We knew something had to be wrong.
    Turns out her grandmother had died recently. We assured her we were fine and express condolences. You just never know.

    Reply
  14. Hollyko

    What a beautiful idea. Also, maybe we could invite her to pray with us… We have done that at our lunch after church on Sunday when giving thanks for our meal. No one has ever turned us down.

    Reply
  15. Meghan Weyerbacher

    This is good, a lifestyle. We have caught ourselves grumbling too, it’s amazing how one can experience joy when not thinking thoughts of grrrrr, even if we feel they deserve it.

    Reply

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