#PreApproved Sisterhood Series
Welcome to a new series, hosted here on the blog. Every Tuesday night, one of our PreApproved sisters will share her story on letting go of a love idol.
Together, we’re giving up our love idols, and we’re not taking them back.
We are already approved; we have nothing to prove. In Christ, we are #preapproved.
I’m reading Jennifer Dukes Lee’s book Love Idol, which I love by the way. I’m on chapter 11. And the first sentence reads like this,
“How many people will be in the bleachers?”
And I remember back ten years ago or so to our own bleacher story. Our youngest daughter was just starting high school the fall after I had brain surgery to remove a brain tumor. She was excited. After all, she tried out and made the high school drill team. She would be cheering on the teams – the football teams and basketball teams. There would be wheelchair fundraisers, dance competitions, the homecoming parade and all the hoopla of being a freshman with pom poms. There were practices and afterschool activities, and dinners with the squad. It was the time of her life.
And that year when she looked up for my approval, she couldn’t find me anywhere—nowhere in the bleachers or even on the sidelines.
I had to sit out the game that year. Instead, most of my days and nights were spent in my room where I was isolated from noise, light and people. My brain was so hypersensitive that I couldn’t even tolerate the sound of another human being breathing or feel the breeze as they walked by. Imagine a stadium full of people and all of the noise and commotion they would cause. Honestly I wasn’t just missing from the bleachers that year; I was missing from most of Jenny’s daily life. I wasn’t even aware of her needs much of the time because I simply didn’t think about them. I couldn’t. My mind was overwhelmed just trying to navigate daily survival.
I had always been the sort of mom who was there for you. I wouldn’t miss a game for anything with the older kids. Even when they were playing on opposite ends of town, I would somehow manage to sit in the bleachers at least for a portion of the game and race across town to sit for the other one. Now all we had at home was Jenny, one place to go, one stadium at a time, one seat on the bleachers.
And that is exactly where my idol showed up–in the bleachers. The idol of being needed, valued, necessary, important, vital to the well being of my children. The idol of being the mom who was always there–in the classroom, at the concert, in the driver’s seat, on the sidelines, and especially in the bleachers.
God knew a strong-willed, hands-on, take-charge, mother like me was not going to easily recognize this sneaky idol and simply let it go. So he allowed me to lie on my back for a season in absolute helplessness so I could begin to see in my powerlessness just how valuable I was simply because He loves me. I didn’t even know that motherhood could be an idol until I could no longer measure my worth by my mothering.
We made it through that season of life okay. Even as I lamented my inability to be there for Jenny, God whispered to my heart that it was not what I did for Jenny’s earthly life that mattered, rather it was her eternal life that mattered most. So I prayed a lot for her, and for me, alone in my room, day in and day out. And I let God do the mothering for the both of us. This would be the beginning of my laying down one of my love idols, right there in the middle of the stadium, on those bleachers.
My name is Kelly and I am preapproved.
Kelly is a mom to five, grandmother to eleven darlings. When she isn’t on her knees in prayer, you can find her playing with her grandchildren, pestering her husband, snorkeling down the river or writing about her story for his glory over at Kelly Writes.
THE LOVE IDOL MOVEMENT
Click here to find out more about the Love Idol movement.
Click here to purchase the book that inspired the movement.
Click here to join us on Facebook as we lay down our Love Idols and declare our #preapproved status in Christ.
Click here to print the black and white preapproved cutouts.
Place these where ever your Love Idols have lurked!
A pink PreApproved printable: to frame, to put on your refrigerator, to give to a friend.
Click here to print. My gift to you, brave soul!