For all the Spiritual Klutzes Out There…

July 15, 2012 | 21 comments

Dear Lord,

I heard You.

I heard how You said You loved me anyway. How you take me as-is, but promised never to leave me that way.

Did you feel that? How my tears burned at the corners of my eyes when I heard You speaking all that love over me?

I heard how You whispered promises into the marrow. How You reminded me that You’ve known me by name for centuries, way before I took my first breath. You knew — in advance — the times I’d follow in your steps. And you knew all the ways I’d stumble head-first off the path.

I’m such a spiritual klutz.

But You loved my anyway. And you still do. 

Even before you made the world, You decided to love me. I heard you say that to stumbling, bumbling me.

I didn’t hear the words in my ears, but I felt them, way under my skin, the way a person knows she’s really loved. I can’t describe to You how much that meant to me. But You knew that already. It’s still so good to tell You, You know?

You also told me that mirrors are poor judges. A person can look in the mirror or the inbox or the bank account or the offering plate, and if things look good, life is good. And if things look bleak, well … life seems bleak. I heard you say it loud under the skin: Stop. looking. in. the. mirrors. They are horrible indicators of reality.

Yeah, mirrors reflect a false truth sometimes.

I do want to reflect You.

I’ve lived otherwise, at times. I’ve paid too much attention to mirrors — and to glitter. There’s a lot of glitter in the world. And there’s a thousand ways to count shiny things: followers, Facebook friends, @mentions and invitations. There’s only One Way that ever really mattered.

Lord, help me follow that Way.

There are also a hundred ways to measure if a lowly mortal is insignificant: especially if she’s been overlooked, overmatched, overburdened, overtopped. I want to be so over that.

There’s always someone out there telling us we’ve got to have a bigger voice, a better house, more money, more influence.

You know it already Lord, but let me say it out loud here: The world tells me to be all the things that end in Y: funny, pretty, skinny, witty. I’ll turn it upside-down, and chase after the One whose name begins with Y. You, Yahweh.

You know what, Lord? I have looked in mirrors. I have. I confess that to You. But … that’s the thing about You, Yahweh. That’s the amazing things about this still-amazing grace. You take our chins in Your nail-scarred hands. And You pull our gaze off of ourselves, daily re-adjusting our gaze so we’re fixed on You.

I see You.

And it’s so good to be seen by You.

You are the God Who Sees, my El Roi. And we all want to be seen, I suppose, to know that we matter.

You tell us that we already do matter. That we already are seen, already are significant, already are loved.

You’re the God of Alreadys.

And I want you to know how much that means to me.

Thank you, God.

~ Jennifer

 

by | July 15, 2012 | 21 comments

21 Comments

  1. ro.ellott

    “ You know it already Lord, but let me say it out loud here: The world tells me to be all the things that end in Y: funny, pretty, skinny, witty. I’ll turn it upside-down, and chase after the One whose name begins with Y. You, Yahweh.” Is there anything left to be said but AMEN…and AMEN!!! My hubby and i were talking about this very thing today…we use earthly scales to weigh importance…God weights are equally balanced…it is how He loves…How He sees…all under the banner of His love. thanks for this wonderful exclamation point to our conversation today:)

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      I love when God does that … reaffirms a message in sometimes-multiple ways. Thank you for being here.

      Reply
  2. Shelly Miller

    Thanks for letting us in on such a tender conversation that speaks to the deep places in all of us. I struggle with all of this too, and I’m enjoying a few of those same conversations myself. It’s nice to know I’m in good company.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Hi Shelly… Kindred birds flocking together here. 🙂 Thanks for hanging out in my nest today.

      Reply
  3. Cindy

    Sometimes being honest with God is what we need. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Yes, Cindy. Funny, how often I think I can get away with sugar-coating the truth with God in prayer. As if He doesn’t know … Silly Jennifer.

      Reply
  4. Amy Hunt

    Oh, Amen, friend! Praying with you.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Thank you, Amy. Have a GREAT week, friend.

      Reply
  5. michelle derusha

    Yes, Jennifer, Yes – stumbling, bumbling me! I love being with you in your quiet conversation with God here today. And I am praying the same: Lord, help me reflect YOU. Amen.

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      Thanks, Michelle.

      (P.S. to others here in the comment box… I really loved Michelle’s post today at http://www.MichelleDeRusha.com. Linked to it in my sidebar if you want to check it out.)

      Reply
  6. Nancy Kourmoulis

    My prayer all year – Lord, help me REFLECT you. Such encouragement in these words Jennifer. Thanks!

    Reply
    • dukeslee

      You reflect Him well, Nancy. xo

      Reply
  7. Dena Dyer

    One more Y word to add…YES! 🙂

    Reply
  8. Dena Dyer

    By the way, this reminds me of marriage authors/speakers Pam and Bill Farrel’s story of their honeymoon, when Pam was looking in the mirror and bemoaning all her faults. Bill took her in his arms and (much like our Saviour does) said, “Pam. You are so perfect and beautiful to me. Let ME be your mirror.”

    Isn’t that awesome?!

    Reply
  9. Carla

    Amen!!

    Reply
  10. Kerry

    Thanks for sharing your sweet heart with all of us, Jennifer. I think we all struggle with some of the same. Have a good week.

    Reply
  11. floyd

    “Here – Here”! Count me among the numbers of your children that you already knew the number of… she spoke for us in truth. God forgive me…

    Reply
  12. Elizabeth

    Oh Jennifer what a beautiful letter you have written here from your sweet soul to our Father. That you chose to share this is a gift and it is stirring up in me all sorts of things…..grateful for your authentic and honest words. This I need in the right now, you knew. You just knew there were others too. Thanks for being a voice for other sisters.

    Reply
  13. Jennifer

    Once again your words reach deep inside me. God is using you…thank you for letting him and trusting him:)

    Reply
  14. Diane Bailey

    Just this week, Jennifer, I have heard my heart crying out these same longings.

    Once again the reality of being a sinner in need of the Savior.

    You have expressed so beautifully the cry of many souls.

    Reply
  15. Helen

    “the God of Alreadys”
    I Love this! Thank you for your wonderful post!

    Reply

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