September 9, 2009 | 21 comments

I saw myself in the pages of Matthew and Mark, Luke and John today.

I am one of them — crimson-stained and in need of a Savior.

And so I pray and I confess:

Lord Jesus,

I am the innkeeper,
with crowded Heart-Rooms that push you to corner stables out back.

I am the Pharisee,
quick to point out specks in eyes while ignoring planks in mine.

I am a frightened passenger,
too scared of the waves to step out of the boat.

I am a mourner at Lazarus’ grave,
with heart seething as I wait for you.

I am a palm-waver,
shouting “Hosanna” one day then leading you to the cross the next.

I am your disciple,
asleep on the job as you sweat blood in a garden.

I am Pilate,
daily handing you over to be crucified.

I am Peter,
talking big, but warming myself by the fire as I look for a way to save my own hide.

I am a bystander on the road,
watching you carry a cross but too prideful to carry mine.

I am a criminal on the cross next to you,
deserving justice while you — the innocent one — suffer.

Yet I, robed in crimson, have the nerve to speak to you, robed in white. I don’t even ask for it; I demand it:

“Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” (Luke 23:42)

How dare I?

Yet, you look over your right shoulder,
and you see me in the mess I’ve made.
Blood and grace flow mingled down, crossing your forehead and over lips that speak Truth into places no one else knows.

And still. … Still you say to me:

“You will be with me in paradise.”

And I’m left breathless.

I deserve justice, but receive grace. I am a wretch, yet you call me your treasure. My sins were as scarlet, but they shall be white as snow.

The beautiful irony of our faith buckles my knees, Lord Jesus. And with this lump in my throat, all I can do is shake my head and choke out thanks and try to tell You again how much You mean to me.

I’m alive with the hope of a brand-new day.*
All because of You.
All because of You, Jesus.


“Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.”
— How Deep the Father’s Love for Us
by Stuart Townend

* (This line: An inspiring lyrical snippet from Aaron Shust’s new CD, Take Over.)

holy experience

Each Wednesday, I “Walk With Him” over at Ann’s. She invites us to post about spiritual practices that draw us nearer to His heart. This week, we open our prayer closets and invite you to pray with us. Will you join Ann over there?

Photo: Communion set. A birthday gift from my husband.
We stand in awe of Christ’s gift — body and blood, shed for us.

by | September 9, 2009 | 21 comments


  1. Sarah Dawn

    And you are a spark to bring His refining fire to my life and countless others.

    May His flame burn away the dross,
    Sarah Dawn

  2. isumom

    Grace is when God gives you what you want instead of what you deserve.

  3. Catherine

    Oh, His marvelous grace!
    Thank you, Lord.

    Catherine 🙂

  4. Runner Mom

    This was beautiful! Thank you!

  5. RCUBEs

    Awesome! Reviewing those history…that became "me"…"but history itself belongs to Jesus"…

    This is so beautiful sister Jennifer. Done by His grace…Blessings to you.

  6. Lyla Lindquist

    On my knees, unable even to lift my head. I can only stammer out to the Father, "What she said."

  7. DD

    Thank you Jesus. From another who does not deserve your grace and who drops her head in shame for not appreciating your sacrifice every second of the day.

  8. Lisa notes...

    A beautiful post incorporating so many beautiful stories of our Savior. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Angie Vik

    Wow. You have such an unending well of profound insights. Thanks for bringing us along on your journey.

  10. Robin

    God's word is amazing! Jennifer this is a great post, thanks for your insight.

  11. Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus

    Good morning, friends. Thanks for dropping by. ASs I awake to this new day, I am simply in awe of God's grace. How about you?

    I've seen a T-shirt out there with the words: "I'm the wretch the song talks about."

    I need that shirt.

    a wretch, saved by God's amazing grace

  12. Doug Spurling

    "The beautiful irony of our faith buckles my knees, Lord Jesus. And with this lump in my throat, all I can do is shake my head and choke out thanks and try to tell You again how much You mean to me."

    I see Him hands outstretched laying on the cross, as nails are driven into hands and feet, and look to the man driving the nails and lo it's me. – Turning to His face, his eyes meet mine, with bloody lips He speaks. I forgive you.

    This is what your post let me see.

    Thank you.

  13. Pttyann

    "Hallelujah,hallelujah,Praise God"!!!!! Because he lives! Amen
    Love ya Jennifer

  14. Anne L.B.

    "Breathtaking" is also how I'd describe what you've written here.

    Thank you, Jennifer.

  15. Beth E.

    What a powerful, touching post. Praise God for his saving grace!

  16. elaine @ peace for the journey

    And I am a beggar asking for crumbs… and he withholds nothing–he gives me a feast!

    Grace is, indeed, a knee-buckler for me as well. Who can fathom the wisdom of a God who chooses the likes of me to reside within? I'm am thankful today.


  17. Andrea

    So beautiful, so moving, so truth- revealing.

    Thank you for pouring out your heart and touching mine this day.

    I do not believe it could have been penned more powerfully or perfectly.

    Thank you for your comments. I treasure them and appreciate them greatly.

    Many blessings to you.


  18. Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience

    I cannot type…

    The tears stream…

    I only nod in prayer….

    Oh, Jennifer…

  19. Tea With Tiffany

    Sweet Jennifer,

    I'm with you on the journey. In every person you listed. Thankful for the way you pen what so many of us feel.

    Our grace gifts are countless. Thank you, Jesus.

    Gratitude and love,


  20. mom2six

    "How Deep the Father's Love"…too deep and wide and incredible for me to comprehend. This song brings me to tears because of God's grace. Your words remind me of His grace poured out because of His vast love. Thank you.

  21. A Simple Country Girl

    Me too.

    I am that wretch, in my own sight and heart. But, in God's, I am His much loved child.

    Love that t-shirt too 😉


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